i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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