He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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