i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
