sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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