I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
