Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
