i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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