Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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