I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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