chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Are we still banned from the library?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
