Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
