just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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