At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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