none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
