we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
