Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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