Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
