Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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