I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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