I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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