i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
