I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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