Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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