Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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