Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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