Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
