Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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