She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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