He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
