No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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