I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
