Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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