dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
