if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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