I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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