why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
soo... how was my night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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