Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
