I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
