Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
