i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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