I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
