is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize