Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
