i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
