Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
