I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
