i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm really busy with my period
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