Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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