you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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