Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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