By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
