what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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