she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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