Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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