i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
