I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
