Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
