Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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