I puked a lego.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
