His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
