I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
