I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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