I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Will exercising make me less horny?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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