i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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