I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
