this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pants are for mortals
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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