"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
