It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
