Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
