My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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