So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
