WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
