at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
