you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize