whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
