I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
