I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We have started to decorate penises.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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