Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
