Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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