Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
