so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
