I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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