you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
