So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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