I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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