so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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