well you can't waste a boner
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
