I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
