well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
