Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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