"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
