I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
