"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
