Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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