Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
