She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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