So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
