chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
