I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
