honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
