The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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