A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
