At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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