I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All the doctor said was why
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
