Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
