Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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