we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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