My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
